ways to lose weight - part one

Well I'm not a lady, but I am fat and sometimes funny. Not that's it's funny to be fat. But constant dieting and worrying about it is a funny way to live. When did i start dieting - about 30 years ago. I have tried everything. Smelly pens- yes that's right, you sniff it and it takes your appartite away. Different colours and smells. Yeah right. Apart from the fact you look a total idiot sniffing big chunkie colours pens in the supermarket. Perhaps if I had eaten them it would ave worked. Then the slimming pants. Me and my sister and my mum bought them between and no we didn't wear them at the same time. The idea is that you inflate and they sauna away the fat. Best only to wear them in the house under your dressing gown. Under no circumstances should you wear them out - puts a whole new slant on 'does my bum look big in this?' Yessssss. Now the acupressure slimming aid. A little clip that you put on your ear which stops you eating so much. More like stops the blood and makes your ear drop off. Well, that didn't exactly happen but it might have. There are more ways I have tried to lose weight and these follow at a later date.